What helps a four year old who hits when they are frustrated?

What the evidence says

At age 4, hitting when frustrated is a normal (though not okay) part of development. Preschoolers often lash out because their words and self-control haven't caught up with their big feelings yet. The American Academy of Pediatrics notes that a preschooler who releases frustration through biting, hitting, or kicking may need more than a time-out, and that punishment like spanking does not teach a child what to do instead.

What helps: First, name the rule clearly ('Hitting hurts, we don't hit') and redirect to something acceptable, such as suggesting the child hit a pillow or stomp their feet instead of hitting a person. Naming the feeling out loud ('Puzzles are hard! It makes you so mad') and then coaching them toward a solution helps children learn to cope with frustration over time, according to Zero to Three.

Other helpful strategies include giving advance warning before transitions, offering choices to help the child feel some control, and consistently praising calm or gentle behavior so good choices get more attention than the hitting does. Zero to Three also emphasizes that toddlers and preschoolers need help calming down before any learning can happen, so staying calm yourself is a key first step.

If hitting is frequent, intense, seems to give the child pleasure, or is starting to affect friendships or preschool, that's a good reason to talk with your pediatrician, since ongoing aggression beyond the toddler years can sometimes signal an underlying issue needing extra support.